Another dinner date...

Another dinner date, 17.30 to-evening, in front of dad's office in downtown Taipei. If I could muster the courage, then this 'date' may end differently. Hopefully I will finally be able to talk to dad, face him about many unsaid and untouched things...things which for many years have caused others and me much tears, frustration and dark despairing moments...things if left undealt with will lead to much more akwardness and pain in the foreseeable future.

But how would he respond?
What would he do?　
Would I become the bold 'unfilial' (不孝) son who dares to confront and point his dad wrong?

It is not my intention to hurt or harm him. All I would like is a peaceful resolution to this mess which is causing this family much grief. It is as if vines and wild weed have grown all over this home, causing it to, at moments, become dark and inhabitable. And no one sees to want to see it, but ever one suffers, one way or another, from it. This cannot continue, and I can no longer stand coming home to face all this silence, pretence and deceit every single time. Face it, talk about it, deal with it...but please don't let it rot and worsen.

No raised voices, no finger-pointing, no accusations and blame....just heart to heart talk, with a 'calm heart and peaceful tone' (心平氣和). Nothing more do I want. I am no maverick ready to change everyone for what I think is best, neither am I a saviour about to rescue this sunken family from the depths of years of troubles and confusion. But just face it, open our hearts and eyes to see that this whole mad mess and attempts to bury it all under layers of lies and silence cannot go on.

So I go.


--

"Want ik wil [een] schouder om op te huilen
[Een] huis om in te schuilen
Maar alles wat ik wil lijkt zo ver weg
Zo ver weg van mij Ja, alles wat ik wil lijkt zo ver weg"
'Zo ver weg', Guus Meeuwis
[Because I want [a] shoulder to cry on,
[A] house to shelter in,
But everything that I want seem so far away,
So far away from me.
Oh, everything that I want seem so far away.]