Saturday, February 18, 2006

The check up

I woke up especially early today, and was already awake when mum and dad were talking outside. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I knew, because I asked, that today’s was dad’s monthly check-up at the hospital.
I waited until dad left the house, and then I woke up, quickly showered and dressed myself. And I rushed to the hospital, to find dad sitting in the basement refectory, eating alone. I bought some egg rolls and soya bean milk and appeared before him, smiling as I did so. “Good morning!”

Dad was surprised, pleasantly perhaps, and I could see him smile. We sat at the table, didn’t say much, but for a few moments there was a bond, and perhaps he could feel it too.

I accompanied him up and down, and waited together with him. Then suddenly, outside the metabolism ward, dad told me to go home. Privacy, he said, and he didn’t want me to be around because he has a right to privacy, and I was about to infringe on that. He’s right, but I was hurt. All I wanted was be with him, know what his state of health is, and be there, as the doctor ordered, as a show of moral support. But dad turned me away.

“There may not be another time”,
I said firmly, but inside I was hurting. “Once I go off to study, I may not be back for a long time”.

I respect privacy, and will defend mine if necessary, but do I, as a son not have a right, even if it’s just from a sense of care and love for a close one, to know what is going on? When it comes down to it, I’ll get to know it anyways, sooner or later. I just don’t want to know and be faced with it when it’s 'too late'...

On the way home, I was alone. I felt like crying, running into my room and just crying to sleep. What am I doing here, at home, in Taiwan, if not to spend more time getting to know my dad? I could have plenty of opportunities elsewhere, working, getting experience, and getting paid. But I chose to stay on because I want to use my spare time, while I still have it, doing something meaningful and close to heart...

But then I realised, and then it came to me, that this was just a fleeting moment, as fleeting as the emotions I felt...

1 comment:

itchingjo said...

just a fleeting moment..