Dinner for ten

Just had dinner with colleagues tonight. Initially wanted to cook for them, show them the good cooking skills I have, but in the end we ended up going to a pannekoeke huis around Leiden Centraal. Nice little group of people, delicious, and gezellig.

There were many sorts of pancakes to choose from. You could have seafood, chicken, beef, even Mexican, Chinese, or Egyptian...even have pizzapancake! So strange, but nonetheless delicious, and filling.

Like a big social events, it was difficult to talk to everyone. At some point I was unsure which conversation I should listen to, which I should actually join. Just like always, I felt awkward wanting to say something, but not knowing how, or when the appropiate moment is. But then there were many fascinating facts, stories and exchanges. Towards the end, I was asked to share my thoughts about my time at the Institute. I likened it to joining a family, as I had earlier done today, talking to another colleague. There's a strong sense of belonging, of in-out. And then there is also openness, frankness and a very relaxed attitude to work and work relations. Something which I thoroughly enjoyed, and cherish. I've learned much, especially having indulged myselves in books and articles during my study, it's the first eye-opener into the real world, into reality. Working, planning, people skills, cooperation, division of work, deadlines, criticisms, toleration, smiling, patience, reliance, dependence, mutual respect and learning.

But then I also expressed my feeling of being an outsider, especially in the first few months. Of course, as some said, being new to the place, people and the work, and being an intern, without a self-focused research agenda didn't help to come to grips with the place. Complicated human relations, conflicts of interests and being in between the 'clash' of 'bigger fish' did not ease things. And my inherent shy, timid, and passive nature also made it difficult to fit in in the beginning. But eventually I found my way, and eventually I started to enjoy it more. Eventually, the problems went away, and finally left for good.

Of course, it was one of my 'farewell' dinners, so undoubtedly my trip to Indonesia came up. People started talking about what's it'll be like, and problems I might face. And one that really hadn't crossed my mind was discrimination. Especially because I 'look Chinese', and there's been racial hatred, or maybe jealousy for a less violent word, toward ethnic Chinese. Not sure how I would deal with that....the worst forms of racism, if you can call it that, is children mocking the way 'I' speak (tsing tsong, wing wong enz enz, which is just gibberish), and that was a long time ago. But then it left me wondering what I should do in the face of this.
And then there was talk of corruption...especially the first hurdle at the airport, where the customs officer might try to tap into 'unregistered sources of income'. Never have had to deal with such situations in my life either. And then there was talk of the dangers of getting robbed, or being in threatening situations...again, I've never been to places where I've had to constantly worry about my sense of security, about my safety (maybe except London at night, especially around Stepney Green or Whitechapel...)

Hearing all these things, it seems like I'm a naive child going into the big world for the first time. Or even a country folk, innocent and pure at heart, thrown into a pack of wolves in the urban jungle. And I think back at what mum said once sometime ago that something terrible might befall me in July (according to the fortuneteller...)
I wonder what to believe.

It seems I still have a lot to learn, lot to experience...