While walking to work today, I saw a globe in a shop window. The side of Asia happened to be facing me. I looked at it, and a sense of strangeness mixed with familiarity overcame me. I've been there, and I'll be there soon. As I stood there those few seconds, my mind wondered off to try to locate where I am now...and I walked around the globe, passing oceans, passing land, passing, in my mind, millions of people, their lives, their livelihoods and everything else. It seemed to be a long journey to Europe, even though it was just a small globe in the shop window. And then it dawned on me...how very far I will be going.
How very far I will be.
Yesterday I went home, and felt really dizzy. I don't know what came over me, but I was so tired. And I was also quite misserable while I went home. So many, so many strange people...so many strangers. I felt sick for some reasons. Even worse when I got home. Again, lots of washing undone, and dinner was just shoarma meat with rice. I was a bit angry... some people are home all day, but all these things that could be done so quickly is left. I didn't wash anything, instead cooked some vegetables and egg to eat.
I went to bed, thinking I would lie down a while, at eightish...I slept, slept and slept...I got up only to drink a bit, but went back to bed. I thought I would wake up again and would have to spend the rest of the night aware. But I kept on sleeping. Until the morning, twelve hours later!
As I listened to the radio before I dozed into sleep, it was talking about abused children. It was talking about the sideeffects growing up, and in later life. Inability to express their feelings, inability to say what they really want, or uberhaupt know what they really want...unable to be close and intimate...the feeling of loneliness even though they are surrounded by people...the feeling of insecurity and fear around strangers.
By then I was gone.
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