Sunday, March 12, 2006

Cold front

Another cold front, the wintry atmosphere is not yet over. Silent chilling winds, dense, dark clouds hanging low...sometimes I wonder whether the sun will shine again. It can be very cold here, despite the lures of warmth and cosiness this place seems to offer.

Been home almost three days, and I'm starting to wonder why I bothered to come back. Three weeks away from home, and each moment seemed so free, so carefree...I could be where I want, do what I want, be with who I want.

At home, the atmosphere is tense. As expected. Yet another 'iron curtain' has decended on this apartment, dividing the place effectively into two camps. No dialogue, just silence and attempts to ignore and dis-acknoledge the presence and actions of the other. Sure, dinners are shared at the table, but 'cold war' continues. Silently I eat, and am always the last to finish, and the one to tidy up the mess.

I sit and am in the middle of it all, and I wonder how people can treat one another like this; how a married couple, no less, can treat one another like this. Such ridiculous state of affairs and childish pouting and hatred! The only conversation that lasted longer than five minutes ended with heightened tensions...again, about money, about mortgage, about property.

I was half expecting to properly spend some quality time with my parents before I'm most likely scheduled to leave coming Saturday. But one worked almost the whole weekend, and the other hid and slept. I spent most of the time tidying up my room, sorting out things into "to take" and "not to take" with me back to Holland. Should probably have done it all a long time ago, so there'd be less junk to rumage through and filter. But then looking at the brochures, tickets, receipts and maps, and the detailed description and analysis of my life and happenings that is my diary, I've been able to 'relive' so precious moments.

I've come a long way, and travelled far this past few months (almost a year). Someone asked me what my 'afterthoughts' are...
I'm still not sure.

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